Friday, 17 April 2009
Saturday, 11 April 2009
Monday, 6 April 2009
Monday, 2 March 2009
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Friday, 30 January 2009
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Saturday, 24 January 2009
He wasn't what I expected. I found him in a place called Doncaster, working in a pet shop. The shop was called 'Bushy Beasts and Scooby Snacks,' and inside I found many beasts trapped in small prisons.
George Bush didn't look like he used to be in charge of planet America - he was old, had long hair and ate fish food - but maybe the humans see him differently. When I asked him about his appetite for war, he told me I was getting mixed up with the 'other fella,' but I wasn't sure what he meant by this.
George Bush had a terrible reputation, even back home on my planet, he was known as being an instrument of mass destruction.
I asked George about his complete disregard for the rest of the planet and he replied, 'If you don't want a fish can you get out and stop talking cake.' I wasn't sure what he meant, but I bought a fish called 'Gold'.
It didn't taste very nice.
I will tell my planet about George Bush when I return.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Many humans seem obsessed with this person and spend many minutes of the day talking about them. I do not think Weather is a king or queen, because every time they are mentioned the humans always curse.
They either say, 'F**king Weather' or 'Weather is sh*t,' so I am guessing this person isn't liked.
I decided to investigate further.
I waited for the small clucking beast to sing its cackling song in the morning and then sat outside the dwellings of the humans. The first human to appear was big and had no hair; he opened his door, looked up and said: 'Fu*k*ing Weather', then closed the door very hard. The next door to open was across the street. A long-haired human (woo-man) opened the door and said: 'Weathers bad!' I wondered what Weather had done, but it must have been very bad, because the woo-man then revealed a weapon of some kind; in her hand she had a large black mushroom of some sort with expanding black gills and a long trigger or handle. The woo-man appeared to be shooting something into the sky, but the weapon also acted as a shield too, as she hid beneath its silky gills.
I must say I was very confused. I am unsure, whether I can ever, figure out this 'Weather.'
Yet I felt very cold and wet watching these humans.
Thursday, 15 January 2009
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
My First Day on Earth.
On January 8th, 2009, I (Conisholme) was left behind on this strange planet after my ship collided with a giant spinning flower called 'Turbine.'
The mother ship was low on fuel and the prices of unleaded petrol on this planet were extortionate, so due to low fuel it was agreed that the mission would be aborted, and we would return home. Before we set off, I volunteered to pick a giant flower to take back as a souvenir.
As I reached out to touch the petals, the flower bit the mother ship and I fell to the ground. The tentacle up-linker tried to collect me, but the spinning petals disrupted the process and a stable light transportation tunnel couldn’t be sustained long enough to collect me. So I am stuck here, I guess.
I have remained invisible since the crash. I feel scared.
Human beings are strange creatures and seem interested in the giant flower too. I cannot understand their tongues at this stage, but I understand other parts of their language by watching their eyes, hands and also their choice of garments. Men have been standing around the flower all night wearing suits the colour of the sun. They are chained to beasts, which have four legs and wear furry jackets. The beasts seem more intelligent than the men and it feels like they sense my presence.
Other men are gathered that have flashing machines. The machines appear to be stars and they aim the stars at the flower. Maybe, this is a religion of some kind? I managed to decipher a sign today, which said, ‘centre,’ so I think that I am in the middle of something. I hope it isn’t anything dangerous.